We fought. Often in the beginning because there were more obstacles set up in front of us than at the 2008 Olympics. We had many things to overcome as a couple before our "honeymoon" period was ever even over. And when I became unexpectedly pregnant another 5,000,000 million hurdles were placed in front of us at the track that I labeled "holy-crap-is-this-situation-book-worthy?"
We were both so happy, thrilled, excited, scared, shocked that I became pregnant especially since Scooter was told there was only a tiny, tiny chance he'd ever have children of his own. I went from no children, happy hours every other day, living in the city to a "step-mom" to a two year old, no longer working full-time at the graphic design firm that employed me at the moment and becoming pregnant all within 7 months.
I was just trying to overcome the hurdle of being a mom figure to my stepson, how to be patient, how to teach and learn from him when with a serious Wonder Woman-like "POW" I found out that I'd be a mom, not an every-other-weekend-mom, but a full-time, no sleep, constant feeding, changing, having-to-actually-give-birth-mom. Seriously? Who is determining this situation? Because in some ways it felt just cruel.
I feel lucky that Scooter and I had already known each other as friends for about two years before we were hand-smacked by love and then given this situation to deal with on a flimsy paper plate that if you didn't hold correctly - everything would spill off and onto the pristine ceramic floor you just cleaned.
We fought about everything: money, cars (do we need a new one? do we keep the old one? Because holy crap, we'll have two kids now to tow around.), how/when/will we get married?? Doors slammed - front doors, back doors, car doors, garage doors, any door. I would say, "No, I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant" and he would follow with a sigh. I brazenly talked about going back to work to support myself and the baby - alone, just because I was pregnant didn't mean that he had to feel completely responsible and this was met with another sigh. And looking back, I said those things because that's who I am, and was for so long - independent, self-sufficient, never needing anyone to help me, damn it. And just because I was knocked up nothing was going to change this about me. Except it did.
Because what did end up happening was that we worked through all of our situation and issues which I will not delve into on my blog, but suffice to say it was a difficult period for us. We did end up getting married and having a beautiful child and when I saw Scooter's face when they entered my uterus to pull out the bundle of flesh that would teach me what true love is - I fell in love with him all over again. Not to say we didn't fight and bicker amongst the fog of sleep-deprivation and sea of poopy diapers. Because we did. It was his first time as a parent to a newborn (my stepson was adopted) and we were both thrown off because when people say you don't get sleep as a new parent - heads up, they are not lying or exaggerating. Also, topping off everything was me having to recover from a c-section, severe postpartum depression and learning how to juggle having two children in the house when one of them is a toddler (accck!).
...and as our one year wedding anniversary is coming up in a couple of weeks I look back on all the fighting and realize it was a phase, an important phase for us. This was the phase that would set the stage for the rest of our relationship and if we didn't learn from it, we were going to be miserable. And not just miserable, but miserable with a baby.
Because seriously, if we could make it through all of this, we could seriously conquer anything, together. I'm madly, madly in love with my husband and know that I always will be.
P.S. This post was inspired by Rebecca's blog, which I truly love because it's real life and that's what most of us can relate to.
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