I'm not really sure why exactly. Austin was in his crib and attempting to settle for a nap.
There was laundry still needing to be folded and put away. Dishes needing to be done, plus my art supplies strewn all over the dining table which seem to be taunting and teasing me everyday just by sitting there - in the open. Along with Austin's booster chair needing to be hosed down by the local fire department.
I felt irritated. Not PMS irritation, but just everything irritating me. If a slight breeze brushed past my arm the wrong way I was gonna go and hide in the laundry room with the Swiffer, vacuum cleaner and washer/dryer - which, by the way, were all taunting me as well.
Austin started fussing, not the fussing like, "Hey, I have poop going on over here!" But the fussing that's all, "Excuse me, I don't want to be in my crib now!!!!" He needed a nap. Also, I had an appointment I needed to get to by 3:30pm which meant I needed to drop him off at drop-in care to go to the appointment.
In a span of 10 minutes the mascara started streaming and I just wanted to hide. I wanted to hide from all the things that needed to be done in the house, from Austin not wanting to nap and being cranky, the empty fridge that needed items restocked - just the world in general.
I grabbed my phone and crawled in the laundry room and shut the door. Called my husband and prayed he would answer. After the third call, he finally answered only to tell me he had to call me back because he was on another call. He might as well have just said, "We're gonna have you committed now because you are crazy", because I cried even more and just sat there in the laundry room with the sound of the tumbling dryer next to me.
I'm not sure why or how being a mother is so overwhelming at times. There are so many factors that play into motherhood - some of which have not much to do with motherhood directly, including keeping your marriage not just afloat but intact and fun. Unfortunately, I can't blame this "meltdown" on my being hormonal.
I'm thinking it was just a case of too many items intersecting at once. Hopefully.
4 comments:
Wow -- I completely and totally FEEL you on this.
Here's hoping that you're feeling better, and that days like that one will be few and far between!
I know it's bad I'm making a reference to a movie but did you see that part in SATC2 when Charlotte has a meltdown and just hides to cry and cry. As I was reading your post I completely was replaying the scene in my head.
I am not a mother, but I hear from a lot of mothers that it happens a few times. I'm sorry :( Deep breath.
Thanks Lex Hex :-) It's nice to know that I'm not the only one to feel this way.
Annah: Yes, that's exactly what I felt like and apparently this is more normal than I thought!
Awesome blog you have introduced.
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