Titles I've thought about giving myself since becoming employed...

at XYZ Corporation other than SAHM (stay at home mom).

Chief Executive Officer (I am kinda, right?  I make all executive decisions regarding the household including which toilet paper to buy).

Sanitation Specialist (This one has varying degrees of use but interpret as you wish).

Director of Events (Hosting playdates and insuring that everyone leaves in one piece is an extremely important position).

Personal Driver (This is my last choice of a title but how true is this, seriously?  I mean, my passenger isn't quite fluent in english yet and he gets lost... in the house). 

Executive Chef (Although, it seems my customer doesn't like what I make since most of it ends up on the floor).

Which would look better on a business card?