started off a bit bad. I woke up with serious anxiety, mostly because getting Austin to sleep last night was just crazy. He doesn't want to nap during the day, at all, so getting him to sleep at night was just insane and near impossible until about 10pm last night. At about 9am this morning I had to take a Xanax just to calm myself down (I'm starting to sound like a D-list celebrity).
This morning it hit me on why I've been feeling so anxious: I wake up every morning feeling as if I don't know or forgot how to take care of Austin. So, when Neil leaves for work, it's just me here and I think "Oh my GOD, what if something happens?! and I don't know what to do?!"
Today, Neil had to go and straighten some house stuff out in the boonies. I almost panicked as I sat there feeding Austin as Neil kissed me goodbye. Need to get it together!!! is what I kept thinking.
I finished feeding Austin then dressed him and myself quickly, headed to the car (in the pouring rain- I'm expecting a call from my mom on this last sentence) and drove to Starbucks while listening to the Chili Peppers. The whole time I kept thinking and obsessing, "why won't he just nap during the day?? I don't get it! What am I doing wrong??" Get my coffee and turn off the radio because I have a headache and then I hear the sweet sound of no gurgling or "bah" in the background. Pull over to the side of the road in our neighborhood and see that Austin is sleeping very soundly then decide that, yep, that's what we needed - a little drive around town to get out of the house.
Even a 5 week old was trying to tell me to get the hell out of the house.
1 comment:
Hang in there, Marisa! It's always crazy in the beginning. One thing that really helped me was getting my kids on some type of strict routine. I felt like their bodies responded well to that so they would sleep when they were suppose to. I would feed them, try and keep them awake for an hour or so and then put them to bed or at least try and put them to sleep. After a few weeks, their little bodies fell into this routine so they expected it.
Again...hang in there. It seems crazy and insane while you're in it, but it will soon be over and life will return to "normal."
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