being awoken at 6am by Austin for a feeding and getting Neil to feed him as I had a dentist appointment at 8am I had to get ready for.
I barely made it to my appointment. Not because I didn't wake up in time or because of traffic but because I had severe anxiety and it wasn't due to leaving Austin at home with Neil for the first time. It was just an overall anxiety that seems to have come with the postpartum depression that I'm experiencing.
My palms were sweaty and breathing was shallow.
I made it to the appointment. Drove home.
Got home and went to the bathroom to throw up... nothing as I haven't been eating and have a full on panic attack.
Neil knelt by me and did his best to comfort me. I can only imagine what he was thinking.
I then called my regular doctor to make an appointment as she's been the doc I've checked in with in the past regarding my medication. I was able to get a 2:45pm appointment.
I already had a prescription for Prozac from my OB as a "just in case it's needed" scenario so my regular doctor gave me a prescription for Xanax to help me ride out the two weeks it will take for the Prozac to kick in. I'm to check back with her in one month. I've taken the Prozac for 4 days now. The Xanax is not to be taken while I'm home alone with the baby which is when I experience most of the anxiety in the first place.
Two weeks, two weeks minimum until the medication kicks in.
I've gone through this 3 other times in the past 8 years and it never gets easier to dig myself out. It's even more tough now that I have a baby to care for during the day as Neil is at work.
Neil has had to learn the hard way what depression is exactly and is still trying to wrap his head around how to help me. I'm lucky to have him.
Just 10 more days... 10 more days.
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