What I remember from that day.

My life would never be the same again. In my mind, the world had somehow shrunk to the size of a pea and everyone was trying to fit and live on it.

Having no control and no ability to hear their voices on the other end of the line while smoke and ash floated just north and south of them sent me into a mini-shock episode. Email, it was email that brought me back from the high of anxiety. The email from my mother assuring, "We're ok. But we're trying to find out about your uncle..." Again, I was back in flight to Anxietyland.

Baggage and items shifted en route to Anxietyland. The molecular make up of my body, cells, nerves and even blood had moved to their new homes within me and I had. No. Control. This would forever change me and my mind and how my body would communicate with my mind.

Forever.

Sleep had become the enemy. Eating became a huge task and was only done to merely survive the day. Meanwhile, all day long at work the Event was played over, and over, and over, and over just behind me on a TV while I worked at my desk. I wasn't just visiting Anxietyland. I now lived there and someone/something else had put in the change of address for me.

The mere idea that human beings decided to end entire families in one movement was too much to comprehend. Is this real? It can't be? Why? Who would do...?

"We've now heard reports that the death toll may reach 10,000."

Forever.

Eventually, the world grew back to something larger than a pea. Sleeping and eating resumed with the help of little pills prescribed by a doctor that played my Caterpillar minus the hookah.
"Try this one and you'll sleep. This little pill will make you more calm." I knew no other way.

Eight years later... There have been four major episodes in which I've won the battle, but the war still rages on. So, I put on my boots and armor hoping for the best. Each day waiting for the dawn of morning when I can climb out of my fox hole, stretch and smile at the sky.

Note: The above is my account of the day that was most horrific for this country and how it truly and forever changed me. Many prayers to those that endured a loss...