My Mommy Friend saved me from myself.

I have often dubbed her "Mommy Friend" on this blog (only to protect her!). 

Last night, as I laid next to Austin putting him to sleep thoughts of last summer came to mind.  This time last year I was battling my postpartum depression and it was difficult to enjoy the beautiful weather, but I did,  thanks to my friend Noelle.

Noelle and I met in child birthing class.  It was a bit happenstance that we were even in the same class, we had so much in common:  Our husbands worked at Microsoft, we had both lived in Texas at some point, our dads were in the military while growing up and we lived just a few blocks from each other, we were expecting boys about two weeks apart.  We kept in touch after the child birthing class and even prepped ourselves pre-birth with pedicures (you know, so that our toes would be cute, even though, while I was laboring I wore socks!). 

We gave birth, she naturally (which I was totally impressed!) and me laboring for 9 hours then having a c-section in the end.  Eventually, we thought we had the babies on a schedule enough to meet up at Starbucks (yes, this was big outing back in those days) and we'd sit there, bouncing the babes in slings, drinking our decaf drinks, talking about sleeping babies, feeding schedules and how birthing is not fun, painful, OUCH!interesting.  At the time, I was slowly descending into a big, black hole of anxiety and depression, but hoping that my medication would kick in soon to help relieve it.

Meanwhile, days would go by and I could barely get out of bed, and if I did it was only to beg, plead, clutch to my husband's leg to "Please, do not go to work!!!"  Of course, he'd have to go, leaving Austin with me:  A barely capable mom hiding under the covers in the bedroom and letting him play in his crib alone for 20 minutes at a time. I would then suck it up and put on a happy face and play with him, feed him, take care of him as normal as possible. 

Many times, Noelle would text message, "Hey, let's go to Grandma's House for lunch!"  I'd be under my covers staring at the phone, wondering if I could pull it together, get dressed, Austin dressed, diaper bag packed to go to lunch.  Often times, I wanted to make up an excuse and not go.  But, I did.  There were so many days that I never would have left the house if Noelle hadn't text messaged or called to see what I was up to, to check and see if I wanted to go for a walk or coffee.  Sometimes I wonder if she knows that if she never would have texted or called I probably never would have left the house with Austin - ever, because the depression was that bad. 

I don't know if she knows that she may have just been an integral part of saving my life.  Literally.  I don't know if she knows that many, many days she pulled me out of a dark abyss so that I could enjoy the summer sunshine.  And, of course, she wanted to get together because she was bored and needed to socialize, but I want her to know that at the same time, she saved me from myself.

Thank you Noelle.  Thank you so much!