I'm so exhausted and emotionally stretched out (kind of like those jeans I've been trying to squeeze into for the past four years) about Austin not being breastfed
I was determined, determined to breastfeed Austin, even if it meant losing a nipple simply because I'm a heavy believer in natural everything. The food we eat, shampoo, soap, toothpaste, make-up, even laundry detergent - it all better be edible damn it in case there's an invasion of aliens and they take over all the Wal-Marts and Qdobas. It's just something I've been really into for the past four years or so.
I won't rehash all of the postpartum stuff because that can be found here, here, here, here (apparently all over this blog).
In a pistachio shell - I had to get back on medication to help alleviate some of the severe postpartum symptoms so that my husband could go back to work without me (and Austin) clinging to his leg begging him to stay home becauseifhedoesn'ttheroofwillcollapseinandkillusalldidyouhearme?!
And because of this particular medication I was told and reminded numerous times, "You do understand you will not be able to continue breastfeeding." And in my fogged up, head, somehow a, "Yes." came out of my mouth.
This is where my guilt as a mother began. I call it guilt because there have been articles, conversations and people asking every five minutes it seems, "Are you breastfeeding?" To which the answer was, "No." and because I didn't want to get into the reason as to why I wasn't breastfeeding that's all they walked away with.
I'm going to cut to the chase here because we are about to go look at houses (and that's a whole other post!).
Not breastfeeding Austin will not kill him. Or in other words: He will not die or be any less intelligent because he's being fed formula. Which I had to do extensive research on the formula which can be found here. He has met every milestone on time or earlier (accordingly to those overpriced "how to parent" books).
I slowly had to convince myself that, at the time, I made the best decision for my family. Fact is: My husband had to go back to work. I do not have family here and, at the time, didn't even really know my neighbors.
So, if you are not breastfeeding your baby you are not alone.
I started to feel even more isolated because I wasn't breastfeeding due to the fact that all my friends that had babies did it/were doing it which only compounded the anxiety, guilt, depression cycle. It seems moms nowadays have the guilt-road paved out for them by all the Xtreme breastfeeders and they don't want to even admit they are formula feeding their babies.
Plus, I was formula fed, my husband was too, along with most of the people of my generation: And, all of us are still alive. That has to be a good sign, right?
3 comments:
Saw you at the Bloggess and had to read this post.
I breastfed exclusively until my son was...*gasp*...three months old. And then, since I needed to be able to go back to work, I needed him to sleep through the night. So he got an ounce of rice cereal at night.
(Cue BUM BUM BUM music.)
Then...in a further show of horrible a mother I was...I had to go back to work FULL TIME. And at that point, carting around the breast pump and taking secret breaks in the room where the carpet remnants were had taken it's toll.
So, he breast fed in the morning, and at night, but in between he at baby food and formula.
He is currently a straight A student a year ahead in his class and composing music.
So clearly the damage I did ran deep. Deep I tell you.
So I hear you, I totally get it. And I, for one, will NOT look at you funny when you answer simply, "No," to the question, "Are you breastfeeding."
Because unless you're Dad or the pediatrician, who even has the right to ask the question??
Go you!
Came here from the Bloggess, and I have 3 boys. The first one was breastfed for exactly ONE month before I gave up. In my defense, he tripled his birth weight in the first three months and quadrupled it by the end of the year. Formula was the only way I could keep him full (and keep myself somewhat sane). The other two kids, I popped a bottle into their mouths while still in the hospital, which I'm sure horrified the nurses but I was BEYOND CARING. They all followed the same growth curve (size 3T clothes at 1 year) so it was probably for the best.
I spent so much time justifying my lack of breastfeeding to everyone, it was exhausting. Not to mention the paranoia I had about contaminated water, keeping bottles clean, etc. In retrospect, the kids are fine and I probably should have saved some energy for the next great battle....potty training.
It's not a problem.Your baby,your body, your life...
your business.
Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.
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